Blogging: It’s for Lard Arses.

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

One of the hippest new trends amongst complete fucking tools is to keep a blog with all your suicidal thoughts in it. Blogs are bullshit diaries where some pussy cries about how lame his day was, and how much he hates his life… meanwhile, we’re supposed to read this load of turd every day and provide thoughtful responses. Please. Give me a fucking break. If I ever catch a blogger on the street I’ll give him a Columbian necktie. The sheer amount of people out there who think others are interested in their daily routine is mind boggling.

Now you can show the whole world why no one listens to you.

If you’re a superhero, mafia kingpin, or porn star, I want to read your blog. If not, can you please get a new fucking hobby? I’m sick of all these depressed losers talking shit about how they hate acne and homework. “My teacher sucks,” “My favorite band aren’t playing until November,” “My girlfriend dumped me,” guess what winners?! Nobody fucking cares about your house-brown pedestrian lives; you pigs make me sick - find a new trough to wallow in.

It’s not like teenagers have anything proper to be depressed about. The most important event in a teenager’s life is the MTV music awards. To illustrate my point, here is a simulated blog entry I prepared earlier:

Life is stopid              [Apr 22nd, 2008|07:06 pm]
[ mood |  aggravated ]
[ music | Nirvana ]

Life is so dumb and stopid.

Today my teacher tried to make me do work he is so
stopid who does he think he is doesnt he know girls
just wanna have fun

But no I cant have fun because life is stopid and i
hate everything like this morning i tried to eat my
favorite breakfast which is nutfeast but can u
believe this there wasnt even any nutfeast what is
wrong with my stopid mom??? doesnt she realiz how
important nutfeast is to my broken heart why is life
so dum and hard i just want to have fun like cindi
lauper but now i will haf to kill myself.


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There should be a new law that forces people to have an interesting career if they want to publish a blog. I don’t want to hear about Good Charlotte fans who forgot to do their homework, I want to hear about a kick ass Romanian lion tamer who hunts down Russian criminals for fun on the weekends. I want to read the blogs of Bolivian drug barons, European playboys, and Jewish bankers who rule the world. Instead, all I get is some dumb animal crying about her broken necklace. Fuck the world.

Monkey see Monkey do, go FUCK yourself.

Most amusingly, these blogging freaks think they’re being unique. They all believe that typing a few sentences of garbage each day into a generic template makes them an original website owner. Every single one of these sad monstrosities chooses to ignore the 1,000,000+ other blogs that are languishing in obscurity out there on the web, in the lame belief that their subnormal thoughts will somehow convince the world to drop everything, get to a computer, and focus on their pissy little diary. Christ, what a bunch of morons.

If you observe these depressed teenagers you’ll notice some similarities. They all think they’re highly talented and intelligent. Another predominate trait is the belief that they are different from others and deserve special treatment. But looking closer, we often find their cryptic claims to intelligence are at best dubious. When asked to prove how smart he is, the depressed teenager will usually retract in fear: in his mind, simply declaring himself smart and original was enough to prove he was a genius - he had never considered the possibility of having to demonstrate his abilities.

amen to this.For a bunch of smart people, these depressed freaks often turn out to be surprisingly dumb. They claim to be highly creative and unique, but if they are, then why do they all act the same? They all write sorrowful blogs, they all used to be goths, and they are all total lamers. The only unique thing about these fools is their fingerprints - although these may have been sliced off during their goth phase.

And in a nutshell, that’s the problem with almost every depressed teenager. They’re insecure, stupid little wimps who hide from their shortcomings by pretending to be something they aren’t. They aren’t tortured and they aren’t talented; they’re definitely not unique. They’re just a bunch of average chumps trying to get some cheap attention. They’re chasing the trend, wherever it may lead them. Eternal Fan Boys.